WHAT DID YOU SAY?

I work in a call center selling insurance to people who are 50 and older. Now, don't get me wrong, old people are fine. Many of them are funny and enjoyable to talk to.

What drives me nuts is that they CANNOT hear!!! How many times do I have to repeat myself before you realize that maybe if you turned down the Price Is Right, that you might be able to hear me?

Since I did a list on bathroom etiquette, I thought that phone etiquette might come in handy too.

1. Even if you think that you are being quiet, if you are going to the bathroom while on the phone, the person on the other end can hear you. Maybe not the actual act, but we can sure hear the flushing of the toilet. PLEASE wait until we are done before you go to use the facilities or better yet, go before you call.

2. Find a relatively quiet place to make your call. Having the TV blasting in the background or music blaring will not only make it more difficult for you to hear me, but I have watched enough Maury Povich in my time and don't want to know who is who's baby's daddy.

3. Animals, babies and phones DO NOT mix!!! If your dogs are barking, birds are chirping or babies are crying. Don't freaking call me. Not only is it annoying to hear a yapping dog in the background, but it literally hurts my ears. Put the dog in the other room. Call back if the baby won't stop crying. But for the love, sharp, loud, high pitched noises makes me want to go through the phone and throttle you. If you live near a busy road or someone is running anything with a motor, please stay inside. You won't be able to hear me and it will annoy me.

4. If you have to make any type of bodily function noise like cough, sneeze, hack, blow your nose etc, please, please,please put the phone down. I will be happy to wait for you. Sneezing isn't too bad, but when you have a phlemy smokers cough, if you go into a coughing spasm and keep the phone to your ear, I will be on the other end trying to keep my lunch down. It is bad enough when you are in the same room, but over the phone it is amplified about 5x. Not a good sound to hear.

5. If you called me, you are on my time. I am not on yours. If you get another call coming in and you tell me to hold so that you can answer it, I may just hang up. If your cell phone rings and you need to answer it, put the other phone down. I don't want to hear your other conversation and I especially don't want to think that you are talking to me and making me feel like I need to respond. I talk enough during the day, I don't need to waste more words.

6. If I need information from you to give you whatever price or information that you want from me, get the information and call me back. Don't tell me to hold on, set the phone down to search for that lost information. Usually, you will make me wait longer on the phone while you are trying to find the information that you would have to sit on hold to get back to me. Plus, you will feel rushed and most of the time, won't find the info anyway until you are off the phone.

7. You are elderly, I understand that. Just because you live alone, doesn't mean that I want to listen to you ramble on about your dog, grandkids, garden, death of a loved one etc,etc,etc. Let me do my job, give you what you need and then get off of the phone. If you are lonely, join a Senior Center. Don't whine to me about how many meds you take and how hard it is to afford it.

8. NEWSFLASH!!! EVERYONE LIVES ON A FIXED INCOME.... including me. Don't whine for 5 minutes about the price. It isn't going to change because I feel sorry for you. I don't have a magic wand that will cut the price in half. If you live in Florida and are looking for insurance, don't complain about the price. Be happy that you can buy it somewhere other than the High Risk Pool.

9. I don't want to have to repeat myself. If you keep interrupting me, it is going to take longer to get the answers that you want. I have to follow guidelines that require that I stop talking when you start. I also have guidelines that I have to ask a question from start to finish. You interrupt? I start all over.

10. Being a jerk doesn't make me want to help you. If you are nice, I will go out of my way to help you however I can. If you call and start bitching at me about things that I don't have any control over or complaining about something. It isn't going to make me feel sympathetic and I am going to do what my job requires, but nothing more. It is amazing how many people think that by being rude or demanding that they will get more than if they are polite but adamant. Sorry Charlie, turn that frown upside down and I will be MUCH more willing to help you. Piss me off and you might get an "accidental" disconnect.

Even if you are not elderly, these tips apply to you as well.

I have been Meme'd

Bathroom Issues

I work in a building full of "professionals". That being said, for some reason, people can grow up, get a degree and work in a relatively nice place and still not have even the least modicum of bathroom etiquette.

Here are a few things that I feel everyone should abide by:

If there are 7 stalls in the bathroom and only 1 or 2 are in use, PLEASE don't sit next to me, especially if you have flatulence or bowel movement issues. The metal dividers DO NOT dissipate the smell.

If you flush the toilet with your foot and then it falls into the bowl, I am going to laugh. Not just because you have a wet foot, but because the same people that flush with their hands, also use the lock on the door and you have done nothing to avoid their germs.

If you are using the facilities and you realize that you have left any kind of trace that you have been there ( wet toilet paper, pubic hair, period leftovers etc.) clean it up. Seriously people, when I have to walk past 3 stalls because there are pubes, tiny left over particles of brown toilet paper from wiping your butt and it rolling up and falling onto the back of the toilet seat or a random blood droplet, there is something seriously wrong. The only thing that you get a free pass on is if you go #2 and there are streaks. Flush again and if they are still there, you have done your best.

If you read a book when you are in a restroom, even if you try to keep it quiet, other people know that you are reading and they are either feeling sorry for you that there isn't a better place to read, or wishing that they had a book themselves.

When you are finished going to the bathroom and head to the sink, you should actually WASH your hands. Not rinse them and then dry them off to pretend that you actually care for your personal hygeine. Better yet, wash them and then use the anti-bacterial lotion so that when you open the bathroom door that you aren't collecting germs from the disgusting people who only rinsed.

Don't talk on your cell phone while in the stall. Checking voicemail is OK, but don't have a conversation, I don't want to hear it and it is gross to be peeing or going #2 when talking to someone on the phone unless they are a good friend and you warn them first. Plus, it interrupts the readers that are in there.

Hopefully these few valuable tidbits of information can make your next bathroom foray a much more enjoyable experience.

Some Of The Most Beautiful Words Ever Written

The Plaintiff (D's dad) is currently ordered to pay $204.54  per month child support and $0.00 per month childcare.

We propose to request the Circuit Court Referee enter an Order to change support to $525.00  per month child support and $0.00 per month childcare commencing on June 21, 2006.

My jaw dropped to the floor and I proceeded to do the happy dance and call all of my friends and let them know what the results of the child support review was.

It hasn't been changed since the original order went into effect back in 1999. I thought that it was about time and since D's dad has continually tried to make my life difficult, I waited until he had done something really crappy (which impacted D negatively, not me).

I haven't talked to him since we both received this information 3 days ago, but I have heard from others that he is pretty much freaking out because he isn't sure how he is going to pay this..... I have the answer for him. Have your lazy @ss  B*tch of a wife get a job. So what if she wants to stay at home like she has for the past 6 years making you work 2 or 3 jobs. She wants to eat? Get a job.

Can you tell that I have little sympathy for them? I used to. I was so nice that I let him walk all over me to the point where I got sick of it and now I won't take any crap from him anymore. I have so many stories that I could tell you, but I would sound like an idiot for being so stupid and it would just depress you.

Now, he does have 3 weeks to contest the increase and then we would both have to go to court to come to an agreement. My agreement is that I feel the court is being fair. He doesn't pay for insurance, doctor co-pays, prescription co-pays, extra curricular activities, school clothing or supplies etc,etc,etc. I could go on and on. But I won't. I will do the happy dance instead.

****dance, dance,dance****

The Last Day

Today is my son D's last day of 2nd grade. He will be done in 2 minutes. I am happy that he is out of school for the summer, but it got me to thinking....

Grown-ups got totally HOSED!!!!! Well, unless you are a teacher, then we are all jealous.

I remember going to school and thinking how rough I had it. I had to go to school for an entire 180 days of the year. I lived for Christmas break and summer break when I could sleep in and chill and play with my friends.  I would count the hours (the entire 6.5) and would be so happy when the bell rang to leave thinking to myself that I couldn't wait until I was a grown-up so that I wouldn't have to go to school

WHAT WAS I THINKING???????? I WISH that I could go back to elementary school days when the hardest thing that I had to do was learn to write cursive and basic algebra. Not only did I have to be there for a shorter time than a real job, but I got a hot lunch provided for me and a playground where I could go to the tire swing or play tetherball or 4-square. Heck, they even provided the balls and the jump ropes for double dutch.

Now, I work 8 hours per day stuck in an office. Definitely no playground here or hot lunch unless I buy it or nuke it. I do get paid, but I also have more bills than I can count on 2 hands the worst part....... only 3 weeks of vcation per year.

Three stinkin' weeks. What happened to 3 months? The only thing that I can think of is that when I was a kid I must have been smoking crack to want to grow up.
I wish that I was in 3rd grade again!!! Even with Jesse Ward calling me Greyhound Bus even though I was a stick.

Third grade was great. I learned to write in cursive, had the longest lunch period, won the grade spelling bee had an awesome teacher.  It was a good time in my life. Good times too!!